Part 5 Chapter 1
The morning that followed the fateful interview with Dounia and her mother brought sobering influences to bear on Pyotr Petrovitch. Intensely unpleasant as it was, he was forced little by little to accept as a fact beyond recall what had seemed to him only the day before fantastic and incredible. The black snake of wounded vanity had been gnawing at his heart all night. When he got out of bed, Pyotr Petrovitch immediately looked in the looking-glass. He was afraid that he had jaundice. However his health seemed unimpaired so far, and looking at his noble, clear-skinned countenance which had grown fattish of late, Pyotr Petrovitch for an instant was positively comforted in the conviction that he would find another bride and, perhaps, even a better one. But coming back to the sense of his present position, he turned aside and spat vigorously, which excited a sarcastic smile in Andrey Semyonovitch Lebeziatnikov, the young friend with whom he was staying. That smile Pyotr Petrovitch noticed, and at once set it down against his young friend's account. He had set down a good many points against him of late. His anger was redoubled when he reflected that he ought not to have told Andrey Semyonovitch about the result of yesterday's interview. That was the second mistake he had made in temper, through impulsiveness and irritability. . . . Moreover, all that morning one unpleasantness followed another. He even found a hitch awaiting him in his legal case in the senate. He was particularly irritated by the owner of the flat which had been taken in view of his approaching marriage and was being redecorated at his own expense; the owner, a rich German tradesman, would not entertain the idea of breaking the contract which had just been signed and insisted on the full forfeit money, though Pyotr Petrovitch would be giving him back the flat practically redecorated. In the same way the upholsterers refused to return a single rouble of the instalment paid for the furniture purchased but not yet removed to the flat.
"Am I to get married simply for the sake of the furniture?" Pyotr Petrovitch ground his teeth and at the same time once more he had a gleam of desperate hope. "Can all that be really so irrevocably over? Is it no use to make another effort?" The thought of Dounia sent a voluptuous pang through his heart. He endured anguish at that moment, and if it had been possible to slay Raskolnikov instantly by wishing it, Pyotr Petrovitch would promptly have uttered the wish.
"It was my mistake, too, not to have given them money," he thought, as he returned dejectedly to Lebeziatnikov's room, "and why on earth was I such a Jew? It was false economy! I meant to keep them without a penny so that they should turn to me as their providence, and look at them! foo! If I'd spent some fifteen hundred roubles on them for the trousseau and presents, on knick-knacks, dressing-cases, jewellery, materials, and all that sort of trash from Knopp's and the English shop, my position would have been better and . . . stronger! They could not have refused me so easily! They are the sort of people that would feel bound to return money and presents if they broke it off; and they would find it hard to do it! And their conscience would prick them: how can we dismiss a man who has hitherto been so generous and delicate?. . . . H'm! I've made a blunder."
And grinding his teeth again, Pyotr Petrovitch called himself a fool-- but not aloud, of course.
He returned home, twice as irritated and angry as before. The preparations for the funeral dinner at Katerina Ivanovna's excited his curiosity as he passed. He had heard about it the day before; he fancied, indeed, that he had been invited, but absorbed in his own cares he had paid no attention. Inquiring of Madame Lippevechsel who was busy laying the table while Katerina Ivanovna was away at the cemetery, he heard that the entertainment was to be a great affair, that all the lodgers had been invited, among them some who had not known the dead man, that even Andrey Semyonovitch Lebeziatnikov was invited in spite of his previous quarrel with Katerina Ivanovna, that he, Pyotr Petrovitch, was not only invited, but was eagerly expected as he was the most important of the lodgers. Amalia Ivanovna herself had been invited with great ceremony in spite of the recent unpleasantness, and so she was very busy with preparations and was taking a positive pleasure in them; she was moreover dressed up to the nines, all in new black silk, and she was proud of it. All this suggested an idea to Pyotr Petrovitch and he went into his room, or rather Lebeziatnikov's, somewhat thoughtful. He had learnt that Raskolnikov was to be one of the guests.
Andrey Semyonovitch had been at home all the morning. The attitude of Pyotr Petrovitch to this gentleman was strange, though perhaps natural. Pyotr Petrovitch had despised and hated him from the day he came to stay with him and at the same time he seemed somewhat afraid of him. He had not come to stay with him on his arrival in Petersburg simply from parsimony, though that had been perhaps his chief object. He had heard of Andrey Semyonovitch, who had once been his ward, as a leading young progressive who was taking an important part in certain interesting circles, the doings of which were a legend in the provinces. It had impressed Pyotr Petrovitch. These powerful omniscient circles who despised everyone and showed everyone up had long inspired in him a peculiar but quite vague alarm. He had not, of course, been able to form even an approximate notion of what they meant. He, like everyone, had heard that there were, especially in Petersburg, progressives of some sort, nihilists and so on, and, like many people, he exaggerated and distorted the significance of those words to an absurd degree. What for many years past he had feared more than anything was /being shown up/ and this was the chief ground for his continual uneasiness at the thought of transferring his business to Petersburg. He was afraid of this as little children are sometimes panic-stricken. Some years before, when he was just entering on his own career, he had come upon two cases in which rather important personages in the province, patrons of his, had been cruelly shown up. One instance had ended in great scandal for the person attacked and the other had very nearly ended in serious trouble. For this reason Pyotr Petrovitch intended to go into the subject as soon as he reached Petersburg and, if necessary, to anticipate contingencies by seeking the favour of "our younger generation." He relied on Andrey Semyonovitch for this and before his visit to Raskolnikov he had succeeded in picking up some current phrases. He soon discovered that Andrey Semyonovitch was a commonplace simpleton, but that by no means reassured Pyotr Petrovitch. Even if he had been certain that all the progressives were fools like him, it would not have allayed his uneasiness. All the doctrines, the ideas, the systems, with which Andrey Semyonovitch pestered him had no interest for him. He had his own object--he simply wanted to find out at once what was happening /here/. Had these people any power or not? Had he anything to fear from them? Would they expose any enterprise of his? And what precisely was now the object of their attacks? Could he somehow make up to them and get round them if they really were powerful? Was this the thing to do or not? Couldn't he gain something through them? In fact hundreds of questions presented themselves.
Andrey Semyonovitch was an anaemic, scrofulous little man, with strangely flaxen mutton-chop whiskers of which he was very proud. He was a clerk and had almost always something wrong with his eyes. He was rather soft-hearted, but self-confident and sometimes extremely conceited in speech, which had an absurd effect, incongruous with his little figure. He was one of the lodgers most respected by Amalia Ivanovna, for he did not get drunk and paid regularly for his lodgings. Andrey Semyonovitch really was rather stupid; he attached himself to the cause of progress and "our younger generation" from enthusiasm. He was one of the numerous and varied legion of dullards, of half-animate abortions, conceited, half-educated coxcombs, who attach themselves to the idea most in fashion only to vulgarise it and who caricature every cause they serve, however sincerely.
Though Lebeziatnikov was so good-natured, he, too, was beginning to dislike Pyotr Petrovitch. This happened on both sides unconsciously. However simple Andrey Semyonovitch might be, he began to see that Pyotr Petrovitch was duping him and secretly despising him, and that "he was not the right sort of man." He had tried expounding to him the system of Fourier and the Darwinian theory, but of late Pyotr Petrovitch began to listen too sarcastically and even to be rude. The fact was he had begun instinctively to guess that Lebeziatnikov was not merely a commonplace simpleton, but, perhaps, a liar, too, and that he had no connections of any consequence even in his own circle, but had simply picked things up third-hand; and that very likely he did not even know much about his own work of propaganda, for he was in too great a muddle. A fine person he would be to show anyone up! It must be noted, by the way, that Pyotr Petrovitch had during those ten days eagerly accepted the strangest praise from Andrey Semyonovitch; he had not protested, for instance, when Andrey Semyonovitch belauded him for being ready to contribute to the establishment of the new "commune," or to abstain from christening his future children, or to acquiesce if Dounia were to take a lover a month after marriage, and so on. Pyotr Petrovitch so enjoyed hearing his own praises that he did not disdain even such virtues when they were attributed to him.
Pyotr Petrovitch had had occasion that morning to realise some five- per-cent bonds and now he sat down to the table and counted over bundles of notes. Andrey Semyonovitch who hardly ever had any money walked about the room pretending to himself to look at all those bank notes with indifference and even contempt. Nothing would have convinced Pyotr Petrovitch that Andrey Semyonovitch could really look on the money unmoved, and the latter, on his side, kept thinking bitterly that Pyotr Petrovitch was capable of entertaining such an idea about him and was, perhaps, glad of the opportunity of teasing his young friend by reminding him of his inferiority and the great difference between them.
He found him incredibly inattentive and irritable, though he, Andrey Semyonovitch, began enlarging on his favourite subject, the foundation of a new special "commune." The brief remarks that dropped from Pyotr Petrovitch between the clicking of the beads on the reckoning frame betrayed unmistakable and discourteous irony. But the "humane" Andrey Semyonovitch ascribed Pyotr Petrovitch's ill-humour to his recent breach with Dounia and he was burning with impatience to discourse on that theme. He had something progressive to say on the subject which might console his worthy friend and "could not fail" to promote his development.
"There is some sort of festivity being prepared at that . . . at the widow's, isn't there?" Pyotr Petrovitch asked suddenly, interrupting Andrey Semyonovitch at the most interesting passage.
"Why, don't you know? Why, I was telling you last night what I think about all such ceremonies. And she invited you too, I heard. You were talking to her yesterday . . ."
"I should never have expected that beggarly fool would have spent on this feast all the money she got from that other fool, Raskolnikov. I was surprised just now as I came through at the preparations there, the wines! Several people are invited. It's beyond everything!" continued Pyotr Petrovitch, who seemed to have some object in pursuing the conversation. "What? You say I am asked too? When was that? I don't remember. But I shan't go. Why should I? I only said a word to her in passing yesterday of the possibility of her obtaining a year's salary as a destitute widow of a government clerk. I suppose she has invited me on that account, hasn't she? He-he-he!"
"I don't intend to go either," said Lebeziatnikov.
"I should think not, after giving her a thrashing! You might well hesitate, he-he!"
"Who thrashed? Whom?" cried Lebeziatnikov, flustered and blushing.
"Why, you thrashed Katerina Ivanovna a month ago. I heard so yesterday . . . so that's what your convictions amount to . . . and the woman question, too, wasn't quite sound, he-he-he!" and Pyotr Petrovitch, as though comforted, went back to clicking his beads.
"It's all slander and nonsense!" cried Lebeziatnikov, who was always afraid of allusions to the subject. "It was not like that at all, it was quite different. You've heard it wrong; it's a libel. I was simply defending myself. She rushed at me first with her nails, she pulled out all my whiskers. . . . It's permissable for anyone, I should hope, to defend himself and I never allow anyone to use violence to me on principle, for it's an act of despotism. What was I to do? I simply pushed her back."
"He-he-he!" Luzhin went on laughing maliciously.
"You keep on like that because you are out of humour yourself. . . . But that's nonsense and it has nothing, nothing whatever to do with the woman question! You don't understand; I used to think, indeed, that if women are equal to men in all respects, even in strength (as is maintained now) there ought to be equality in that, too. Of course, I reflected afterwards that such a question ought not really to arise, for there ought not to be fighting and in the future society fighting is unthinkable . . . and that it would be a queer thing to seek for equality in fighting. I am not so stupid . . . though, of course, there is fighting . . . there won't be later, but at present there is . . . confound it! How muddled one gets with you! It's not on that account that I am not going. I am not going on principle, not to take part in the revolting convention of memorial dinners, that's why! Though, of course, one might go to laugh at it. . . . I am sorry there won't be any priests at it. I should certainly go if there were."
"Then you would sit down at another man's table and insult it and those who invited you. Eh?"
"Certainly not insult, but protest. I should do it with a good object. I might indirectly assist the cause of enlightenment and propaganda. It's a duty of every man to work for enlightenment and propaganda and the more harshly, perhaps, the better. I might drop a seed, an idea. . . . And something might grow up from that seed. How should I be insulting them? They might be offended at first, but afterwards they'd see I'd done them a service. You know, Terebyeva (who is in the community now) was blamed because when she left her family and . . . devoted . . . herself, she wrote to her father and mother that she wouldn't go on living conventionally and was entering on a free marriage and it was said that that was too harsh, that she might have spared them and have written more kindly. I think that's all nonsense and there's no need of softness; on the contrary, what's wanted is protest. Varents had been married seven years, she abandoned her two children, she told her husband straight out in a letter: 'I have realised that I cannot be happy with you. I can never forgive you that you have deceived me by concealing from me that there is another organisation of society by means of the communities. I have only lately learned it from a great-hearted man to whom I have given myself and with whom I am establishing a community. I speak plainly because I consider it dishonest to deceive you. Do as you think best. Do not hope to get me back, you are too late. I hope you will be happy.' That's how letters like that ought to be written!"
"Is that Terebyeva the one you said had made a third free marriage?"
"No, it's only the second, really! But what if it were the fourth, what if it were the fifteenth, that's all nonsense! And if ever I regretted the death of my father and mother, it is now, and I sometimes think if my parents were living what a protest I would have aimed at them! I would have done something on purpose . . . I would have shown them! I would have astonished them! I am really sorry there is no one!"
"To surprise! He-he! Well, be that as you will," Pyotr Petrovitch interrupted, "but tell me this; do you know the dead man's daughter, the delicate-looking little thing? It's true what they say about her, isn't it?"
"What of it? I think, that is, it is my own personal conviction that this is the normal condition of women. Why not? I mean, /distinguons/. In our present society it is not altogether normal, because it is compulsory, but in the future society it will be perfectly normal, because it will be voluntary. Even as it is, she was quite right: she was suffering and that was her asset, so to speak, her capital which she had a perfect right to dispose of. Of course, in the future society there will be no need of assets, but her part will have another significance, rational and in harmony with her environment. As to Sofya Semyonovna personally, I regard her action as a vigorous protest against the organisation of society, and I respect her deeply for it; I rejoice indeed when I look at her!"
"I was told that you got her turned out of these lodgings."
Lebeziatnikov was enraged.
"That's another slander," he yelled. "It was not so at all! That was all Katerina Ivanovna's invention, for she did not understand! And I never made love to Sofya Semyonovna! I was simply developing her, entirely disinterestedly, trying to rouse her to protest. . . . All I wanted was her protest and Sofya Semyonovna could not have remained here anyway!"
"Have you asked her to join your community?"
"You keep on laughing and very inappropriately, allow me to tell you. You don't understand! There is no such role in a community. The community is established that there should be no such roles. In a community, such a role is essentially transformed and what is stupid here is sensible there, what, under present conditions, is unnatural becomes perfectly natural in the community. It all depends on the environment. It's all the environment and man himself is nothing. And I am on good terms with Sofya Semyonovna to this day, which is a proof that she never regarded me as having wronged her. I am trying now to attract her to the community, but on quite, quite a different footing. What are you laughing at? We are trying to establish a community of our own, a special one, on a broader basis. We have gone further in our convictions. We reject more! And meanwhile I'm still developing Sofya Semyonovna. She has a beautiful, beautiful character!"
"And you take advantage of her fine character, eh? He-he!"
"No, no! Oh, no! On the contrary."
"Oh, on the contrary! He-he-he! A queer thing to say!"
"Believe me! Why should I disguise it? In fact, I feel it strange myself how timid, chaste and modern she is with me!"
"And you, of course, are developing her . . . he-he! trying to prove to her that all that modesty is nonsense?"
"Not at all, not at all! How coarsely, how stupidly--excuse me saying so--you misunderstand the word development! Good heavens, how . . . crude you still are! We are striving for the freedom of women and you have only one idea in your head. . . . Setting aside the general question of chastity and feminine modesty as useless in themselves and indeed prejudices, I fully accept her chastity with me, because that's for her to decide. Of course if she were to tell me herself that she wanted me, I should think myself very lucky, because I like the girl very much; but as it is, no one has ever treated her more courteously than I, with more respect for her dignity . . . I wait in hopes, that's all!"
"You had much better make her a present of something. I bet you never thought of that."
"You don't understand, as I've told you already! Of course, she is in such a position, but it's another question. Quite another question! You simply despise her. Seeing a fact which you mistakenly consider deserving of contempt, you refuse to take a humane view of a fellow creature. You don't know what a character she is! I am only sorry that of late she has quite given up reading and borrowing books. I used to lend them to her. I am sorry, too, that with all the energy and resolution in protesting--which she has already shown once--she has little self-reliance, little, so to say, independence, so as to break free from certain prejudices and certain foolish ideas. Yet she thoroughly understands some questions, for instance about kissing of hands, that is, that it's an insult to a woman for a man to kiss her hand, because it's a sign of inequality. We had a debate about it and I described it to her. She listened attentively to an account of the workmen's associations in France, too. Now I am explaining the question of coming into the room in the future society."
"And what's that, pray?"
"We had a debate lately on the question: Has a member of the community the right to enter another member's room, whether man or woman, at any time . . . and we decided that he has!"
"It might be at an inconvenient moment, he-he!"
Lebeziatnikov was really angry.
"You are always thinking of something unpleasant," he cried with aversion. "Tfoo! How vexed I am that when I was expounding our system, I referred prematurely to the question of personal privacy! It's always a stumbling-block to people like you, they turn it into ridicule before they understand it. And how proud they are of it, too! Tfoo! I've often maintained that that question should not be approached by a novice till he has a firm faith in the system. And tell me, please, what do you find so shameful even in cesspools? I should be the first to be ready to clean out any cesspool you like. And it's not a question of self-sacrifice, it's simply work, honourable, useful work which is as good as any other and much better than the work of a Raphael and a Pushkin, because it is more useful."
"And more honourable, more honourable, he-he-he!"
"What do you mean by 'more honourable'? I don't understand such expressions to describe human activity. 'More honourable,' 'nobler'-- all those are old-fashioned prejudices which I reject. Everything which is /of use/ to mankind is honourable. I only understand one word: /useful/! You can snigger as much as you like, but that's so!"
Pyotr Petrovitch laughed heartily. He had finished counting the money and was putting it away. But some of the notes he left on the table. The "cesspool question" had already been a subject of dispute between them. What was absurd was that it made Lebeziatnikov really angry, while it amused Luzhin and at that moment he particularly wanted to anger his young friend.
"It's your ill-luck yesterday that makes you so ill-humoured and annoying," blurted out Lebeziatnikov, who in spite of his "independence" and his "protests" did not venture to oppose Pyotr Petrovitch and still behaved to him with some of the respect habitual in earlier years.
"You'd better tell me this," Pyotr Petrovitch interrupted with haughty displeasure, "can you . . . or rather are you really friendly enough with that young person to ask her to step in here for a minute? I think they've all come back from the cemetery . . . I heard the sound of steps . . . I want to see her, that young person."
"What for?" Lebeziatnikov asked with surprise.
"Oh, I want to. I am leaving here to-day or to-morrow and therefore I wanted to speak to her about . . . However, you may be present during the interview. It's better you should be, indeed. For there's no knowing what you might imagine."
"I shan't imagine anything. I only asked and, if you've anything to say to her, nothing is easier than to call her in. I'll go directly and you may be sure I won't be in your way."
Five minutes later Lebeziatnikov came in with Sonia. She came in very much surprised and overcome with shyness as usual. She was always shy in such circumstances and was always afraid of new people, she had been as a child and was even more so now. . . . Pyotr Petrovitch met her "politely and affably," but with a certain shade of bantering familiarity which in his opinion was suitable for a man of his respectability and weight in dealing with a creature so young and so /interesting/ as she. He hastened to "reassure" her and made her sit down facing him at the table. Sonia sat down, looked about her--at Lebeziatnikov, at the notes lying on the table and then again at Pyotr Petrovitch and her eyes remained riveted on him. Lebeziatnikov was moving to the door. Pyotr Petrovitch signed to Sonia to remain seated and stopped Lebeziatnikov.
"Is Raskolnikov in there? Has he come?" he asked him in a whisper.
"Raskolnikov? Yes. Why? Yes, he is there. I saw him just come in. . . . Why?"
"Well, I particularly beg you to remain here with us and not to leave me alone with this . . . young woman. I only want a few words with her, but God knows what they may make of it. I shouldn't like Raskolnikov to repeat anything. . . . You understand what I mean?"
"I understand!" Lebeziatnikov saw the point. "Yes, you are right. . . . Of course, I am convinced personally that you have no reason to be uneasy, but . . . still, you are right. Certainly I'll stay. I'll stand here at the window and not be in your way . . . I think you are right . . ."
Pyotr Petrovitch returned to the sofa, sat down opposite Sonia, looked attentively at her and assumed an extremely dignified, even severe expression, as much as to say, "don't you make any mistake, madam." Sonia was overwhelmed with embarrassment.
"In the first place, Sofya Semyonovna, will you make my excuses to your respected mamma. . . . That's right, isn't it? Katerina Ivanovna stands in the place of a mother to you?" Pyotr Petrovitch began with great dignity, though affably.
It was evident that his intentions were friendly.
"Quite so, yes; the place of a mother," Sonia answered, timidly and hurriedly.
"Then will you make my apologies to her? Through inevitable circumstances I am forced to be absent and shall not be at the dinner in spite of your mamma's kind invitation."
"Yes . . . I'll tell her . . . at once."
And Sonia hastily jumped up from her seat.
"Wait, that's not all," Pyotr Petrovitch detained her, smiling at her simplicity and ignorance of good manners, "and you know me little, my dear Sofya Semyonovna, if you suppose I would have ventured to trouble a person like you for a matter of so little consequence affecting myself only. I have another object."
Sonia sat down hurriedly. Her eyes rested again for an instant on the grey-and-rainbow-coloured notes that remained on the table, but she quickly looked away and fixed her eyes on Pyotr Petrovitch. She felt it horribly indecorous, especially for /her/, to look at another person's money. She stared at the gold eye-glass which Pyotr Petrovitch held in his left hand and at the massive and extremely handsome ring with a yellow stone on his middle finger. But suddenly she looked away and, not knowing where to turn, ended by staring Pyotr Petrovitch again straight in the face. After a pause of still greater dignity he continued.
"I chanced yesterday in passing to exchange a couple of words with Katerina Ivanovna, poor woman. That was sufficient to enable me to ascertain that she is in a position--preternatural, if one may so express it."
"Yes . . . preternatural . . ." Sonia hurriedly assented.
"Or it would be simpler and more comprehensible to say, ill."
"Yes, simpler and more comprehen . . . yes, ill."
"Quite so. So then from a feeling of humanity and so to speak compassion, I should be glad to be of service to her in any way, foreseeing her unfortunate position. I believe the whole of this poverty-stricken family depends now entirely on you?"
"Allow me to ask," Sonia rose to her feet, "did you say something to her yesterday of the possibility of a pension? Because she told me you had undertaken to get her one. Was that true?"
"Not in the slightest, and indeed it's an absurdity! I merely hinted at her obtaining temporary assistance as the widow of an official who had died in the service--if only she has patronage . . . but apparently your late parent had not served his full term and had not indeed been in the service at all of late. In fact, if there could be any hope, it would be very ephemeral, because there would be no claim for assistance in that case, far from it. . . . And she is dreaming of a pension already, he-he-he! . . . A go-ahead lady!"
"Yes, she is. For she is credulous and good-hearted, and she believes everything from the goodness of her heart and . . . and . . . and she is like that . . . yes . . . You must excuse her," said Sonia, and again she got up to go.
"But you haven't heard what I have to say."
"No, I haven't heard," muttered Sonia.
"Then sit down." She was terribly confused; she sat down again a third time.
"Seeing her position with her unfortunate little ones, I should be glad, as I have said before, so far as lies in my power, to be of service, that is, so far as is in my power, not more. One might for instance get up a subscription for her, or a lottery, something of the sort, such as is always arranged in such cases by friends or even outsiders desirous of assisting people. It was of that I intended to speak to you; it might be done."
"Yes, yes . . . God will repay you for it," faltered Sonia, gazing intently at Pyotr Petrovitch.
"It might be, but we will talk of it later. We might begin it to-day, we will talk it over this evening and lay the foundation so to speak. Come to me at seven o'clock. Mr. Lebeziatnikov, I hope, will assist us. But there is one circumstance of which I ought to warn you beforehand and for which I venture to trouble you, Sofya Semyonovna, to come here. In my opinion money cannot be, indeed it's unsafe to put it into Katerina Ivanovna's own hands. The dinner to-day is a proof of that. Though she has not, so to speak, a crust of bread for to-morrow and . . . well, boots or shoes, or anything; she has bought to-day Jamaica rum, and even, I believe, Madeira and . . . and coffee. I saw it as I passed through. To-morrow it will all fall upon you again, they won't have a crust of bread. It's absurd, really, and so, to my thinking, a subscription ought to be raised so that the unhappy widow should not know of the money, but only you, for instance. Am I right?"
"I don't know . . . this is only to-day, once in her life. . . . She was so anxious to do honour, to celebrate the memory. . . . And she is very sensible . . . but just as you think and I shall be very, very . . . they will all be . . . and God will reward . . . and the orphans . . ."
Sonia burst into tears.
"Very well, then, keep it in mind; and now will you accept for the benefit of your relation the small sum that I am able to spare, from me personally. I am very anxious that my name should not be mentioned in connection with it. Here . . . having so to speak anxieties of my own, I cannot do more . . ."
And Pyotr Petrovitch held out to Sonia a ten-rouble note carefully unfolded. Sonia took it, flushed crimson, jumped up, muttered something and began taking leave. Pyotr Petrovitch accompanied her ceremoniously to the door. She got out of the room at last, agitated and distressed, and returned to Katerina Ivanovna, overwhelmed with confusion.
All this time Lebeziatnikov had stood at the window or walked about the room, anxious not to interrupt the conversation; when Sonia had gone he walked up to Pyotr Petrovitch and solemnly held out his hand.
"I heard and /saw/ everything," he said, laying stress on the last verb. "That is honourable, I mean to say, it's humane! You wanted to avoid gratitude, I saw! And although I cannot, I confess, in principle sympathise with private charity, for it not only fails to eradicate the evil but even promotes it, yet I must admit that I saw your action with pleasure--yes, yes, I like it."
"That's all nonsense," muttered Pyotr Petrovitch, somewhat disconcerted, looking carefully at Lebeziatnikov.
"No, it's not nonsense! A man who has suffered distress and annoyance as you did yesterday and who yet can sympathise with the misery of others, such a man . . . even though he is making a social mistake--is still deserving of respect! I did not expect it indeed of you, Pyotr Petrovitch, especially as according to your ideas . . . oh, what a drawback your ideas are to you! How distressed you are for instance by your ill-luck yesterday," cried the simple-hearted Lebeziatnikov, who felt a return of affection for Pyotr Petrovitch. "And, what do you want with marriage, with /legal/ marriage, my dear, noble Pyotr Petrovitch? Why do you cling to this /legality/ of marriage? Well, you may beat me if you like, but I am glad, positively glad it hasn't come off, that you are free, that you are not quite lost for humanity. . . . you see, I've spoken my mind!"
"Because I don't want in your free marriage to be made a fool of and to bring up another man's children, that's why I want legal marriage," Luzhin replied in order to make some answer.
He seemed preoccupied by something.
"Children? You referred to children," Lebeziatnikov started off like a warhorse at the trumpet call. "Children are a social question and a question of first importance, I agree; but the question of children has another solution. Some refuse to have children altogether, because they suggest the institution of the family. We'll speak of children later, but now as to the question of honour, I confess that's my weak point. That horrid, military, Pushkin expression is unthinkable in the dictionary of the future. What does it mean indeed? It's nonsense, there will be no deception in a free marriage! That is only the natural consequence of a legal marriage, so to say, its corrective, a protest. So that indeed it's not humiliating . . . and if I ever, to suppose an absurdity, were to be legally married, I should be positively glad of it. I should say to my wife: 'My dear, hitherto I have loved you, now I respect you, for you've shown you can protest!' You laugh! That's because you are of incapable of getting away from prejudices. Confound it all! I understand now where the unpleasantness is of being deceived in a legal marriage, but it's simply a despicable consequence of a despicable position in which both are humiliated. When the deception is open, as in a free marriage, then it does not exist, it's unthinkable. Your wife will only prove how she respects you by considering you incapable of opposing her happiness and avenging yourself on her for her new husband. Damn it all! I sometimes dream if I were to be married, pfoo! I mean if I were to marry, legally or not, it's just the same, I should present my wife with a lover if she had not found one for herself. 'My dear,' I should say, 'I love you, but even more than that I desire you to respect me. See!' Am I not right?"
Pyotr Petrovitch sniggered as he listened, but without much merriment. He hardly heard it indeed. He was preoccupied with something else and even Lebeziatnikov at last noticed it. Pyotr Petrovitch seemed excited and rubbed his hands. Lebeziatnikov remembered all this and reflected upon it afterwards.
彼得·彼特罗维奇与杜涅奇卡以及普莉赫里娅·亚历山德罗芙娜作了那次决定他命运的解释以后，第二天的那个早晨对彼得·彼特罗维奇也起了使他头脑清醒的作用。昨天他还觉得那件事几乎是幻想的产物，虽然事实上已经发生了，可仍然好像是不可能的，现在，尽管他感到极为不快，却不得不渐渐地把它看作木已成舟、无法挽回的事实了。受了伤害的自尊心好似一条毒蛇，整夜在咬噬着他的心。彼得·彼特罗维奇一起一床一，立刻照了照镜子。他担心，一一夜之间是不是会害了黄疸病？然而暂时这方面还没出什么问题，彼得·彼特罗维奇看了看自己轮廓优美、白皙，最近稍有点儿发胖的脸，有一会儿工夫感到宽慰，满怀信心，相信一定能在别的什么地方另找一个未婚妻，大概，还会找到一个更好的；可是他立刻清醒了过来，坚决地往一边吐了口唾沫，这使得与他同住一间房间的年轻朋友安德烈·谢苗诺维奇·列别贾特尼科夫脸上露出了无声的、然而是讥讽的微笑。彼得·彼特罗维奇看到了这个微笑，心里立刻认为，他的年轻朋友这样笑是很不对的。最近他已经发现这个年轻朋友有很多不对的地方。他突然明白了，昨天不该把昨天那件事的结果告诉安德烈·谢苗诺维奇，这样一想，心里感到加倍恼怒。这是他昨天一时冲动，太不善于控制自己的感情，太容易动怒而犯下的第二个错误……随后，好像故意为难似的，这天早晨又接二连三地发生了一些不愉快的事。就连他在参政院里为之多方奔走的那个案件，等待着他的也似乎是败诉。特别惹他生气的是他的房东，为了不久即将结婚，他向这个人租了一套房子，还自己花钱装修了一番；这个房东，这个发了财的德国工匠，无论如何也不同意废除刚刚签订的租约，要求按写进租约的条款，支付全部违约金，尽管彼得·彼特罗维奇一交一还给他的房子几乎是重新装修过的。家具店的情况也完全一样，虽然定购的家具还没有搬到住宅里去，却无论如何也不肯退还一个卢布的定金。“我可不会为了家具而特意结婚！”彼得·彼特罗维奇咬牙切齿地暗暗地想，同时那个显然已经无望的希望又在他脑子里忽然一闪： “难道这一切真的已经无可挽回地破灭了，结束了吗？难道不能再试一试吗？”一想到杜涅奇卡，这想法再一次诱人地刺痛了他的心。这时他心中痛苦极了，当然，如果现在只要他希望让拉斯科利尼科夫死于非命，就能把他置于死地，那么彼得·彼特罗维奇一定会立刻表示这样的愿望。
“除此而外，我的错误还在于，我根本没给过她们钱，”他边想，边闷闷不乐地走回列别贾特尼科夫的那间小屋去，“见鬼，我为什么这样吝啬？这甚至毫无益处！我想对待她们先苛刻一些，让她们把我看作神明，可她们竟然这样！……呸！……不，如果在这段时间里，譬如说吧，给她们一千五百卢布，在克诺普公司①和英国商店里置办些嫁妆，买些礼物，各式各样的首饰，化妆品、光玉髓，衣料，以及诸如此类的东西，那么事情就会好一些……我们的关系也就牢固一些了！现在她们也就不那么容易拒绝我了！她们就是这样一种人，如果拒绝的话，一定认为有义务把礼物和钱都退还给我；可是要退还是很难的，而且也舍不得！良心也会感到不安，心里会想：怎么，就这样突然把一个直到现在如此慷慨、相当客气的人赶走吗？……嗯哼！我失算了！”彼得·彼特罗维奇又一次咬牙切齿，立刻骂自己是傻瓜——当然是暗自责骂。
--------
①彼得堡的一家服饰用品商店。
得出这样的结论以后，他回到家里，比出去的时候加倍凶恶，加倍恼怒。卡捷琳娜·伊万诺芙娜屋里准备酬客宴的情况在某种程度上引起了他的好奇心。还在昨天他就听说要办酬客宴了；甚至记起，好像也邀请了他；可是由于自己有一大堆麻烦事，别的事情他都没去注意。他赶紧去向利佩韦赫泽尔太太打听；卡捷琳娜·伊万诺芙娜不在家（现在她在墓地上），利佩韦赫泽尔太太正在摆开的桌子旁边张罗着；他得知，酬客宴将会办得十分隆重，几乎所有房客都受到了邀请，就连和死者不认识的人也不例外，甚至连安德烈·谢苗诺维奇·列别贾特尼科夫也受到了邀请，尽管以前他和卡捷琳娜·伊万诺芙娜争吵过，最后，还有他，彼得·彼特罗维奇，不但被邀请了，而且甚至是急不可耐地等待着他，因为他几乎是所有房客中一位最重要的客人。阿玛莉娅·伊万诺夫娜①本人也受到十分尊敬的邀请，尽管以前有过许多不愉快的事情；因此现在她在料理一切，忙着张罗，几乎觉得这是一种享乐，而且，她虽然穿着一身丧服，可全都是崭新的绸衣，打扮得既漂亮，又阔气，并为此感到自豪。这些消息和事实提醒了彼得·彼特罗维奇，使他产生了某种想法，于是他回到自己屋里，也就是回到了安德烈·谢苗诺维奇·列别贾特尼科夫的屋里，不知在想什么心事。问题在于，他也得知，邀请的客人当中也有拉斯科利尼科夫。
--------
①前面，马尔梅拉多夫曾说，她的父名是“费多罗芙娜”。
不知为什么，安德烈·谢苗诺维奇整整一早上一直坐在家里。彼得·彼特罗维奇与这位先生建立了某种奇怪的、不过在某种程度上也是相当自然的关系：几乎从一住到这儿来的那天起，彼得·彼特罗维奇就瞧不起他，恨他，而且恨得简直太过分了，可是同时又好像有点儿怕他。彼得·彼特罗维奇一来到彼得堡就住到他这里，并不单单是由于吝啬，想省几个钱，虽说这几乎是主要原因，不过还有另外的原因。还在外省的时候，他就听说，这个由他抚养成一人的安德烈·谢苗诺维奇，现在是最进步的青年之一，甚至是一个在某些他很感兴趣的、神话般的小一团一体里起重要作用的人物。这使彼得·彼特罗维奇感到非常惊讶。这些十分强大、无所不知、蔑视和揭露一切人的小一团一体，早就使彼得·彼特罗维奇感到恐惧了，这是一种特殊的恐惧，不过，也完全是一种模模糊糊的恐惧。当然，还在外省的时候，对这类事情他不可能形成哪怕是大致符合实际情况的概念。他像大家一样，听说有这么一些进步分子，虚无主义者，揭发者，以及诸如此类的人，在彼得堡，这种人特别多，不过和许多人一样，他也把这些名称的涵义和一性一质夸大和歪曲到了荒谬的程度。已经有好几年了，他最怕的就是揭发，这也就是使他经常感到过分惶恐不安的最主要的原因，特别是在他梦想把自己的活动转移到彼得堡来的时候。在这方面，他是所谓受过惊吓的，就像小孩子有时受了惊吓一样。几年前，他在外省刚刚开始创业的时候，就遇到过两起无情揭发的事件，所揭发的都是省里相当有威望的大人物，而在他们被揭发以前，他一直依靠他们，把他们当作自己的靠山。一次揭发的结果，是被揭发者特别丢脸，另一次的结果，几乎是引起很大的麻烦。这就是彼得·彼特罗维奇一到彼得堡，决定立刻摸清情况的原因，如有必要，他就要抢先一步，讨好“我们的年轻一代”，以防万一。在这方面，他把希望寄托在安德烈·谢苗诺维奇的身上，而且，譬如说吧，他去探望拉斯科利尼科夫的时候，就已经学会勉强重复那些众所周知的、别人的意见了……
当然，不久他就看出，安德烈·谢苗诺维奇是个极其庸俗、而且有点儿傻头傻脑的人。但这丝毫没有打消彼得·彼特罗维奇的顾虑，也没有使他受到鼓舞。即使他相信，所有进步分子都是这样的傻瓜，他的不安也不会消失。说实在的，对这些学说、思想和制度（安德烈·谢苗诺维奇正是用这些东西猛烈地责难他）他丝毫也不关心。他有他自己的目的。他只需要尽快、立刻弄清：这儿发生过什么事情，是怎样发生的？这些人有势力，还是没有势力？如果他着手做某一件事，他们是揭发他呢，还是不揭发他？如果揭发，那么是为什么揭发，现在到底是要揭发些什么？不仅如此，而且要弄清：如果他们当真有能耐的话，能不能设法博得他们的好感，而且立刻稍微欺骗他们一下？该不该这样做？譬如说，能不能通过他们使自己的事业进展得顺利一些？总之，他面前有成百上千的问题。
这个安德烈·谢苗诺维奇是个体质虚弱、害淋巴结核的人，个子矮小，在某处任职，一头淡黄色的头发，颜色淡得出奇，留着肉饼状的连鬓一胡一子，并为这一胡一子感到非常自豪。此外，他几乎经常害眼病。他的心肠相当软，可是说话很自以为是，有时甚至极端傲慢，——如果与他的体形相对照，这几乎总是显得十分好笑。不过，在阿玛莉娅·伊万诺夫娜这儿，他却被看作相当受尊敬的房客中的一个，也就是说，他不酗酒，而且按时缴房租。尽管有这些优点，安德烈·谢苗诺维奇却当真有点儿傻里傻气。他赞成进步思想，加入“我们的年轻一代”，——这是由于年轻人的热情。这是那些多得不可数计的形形色一色的庸人、思想极其幼稚、对什么都是一知半解、却又刚愎自用的人们当中的一个，他们转眼之间一定会附和最时髦的流行思想，为的是立刻把它庸俗化，为的是把他们有时的确是以最真诚的方式为之效力的一切漫画化。
然而，列别贾特尼科夫虽然心地十分善良，但在某种程度上也开始对和他同住的这个人，也就是他从前的监护人彼得·彼特罗维奇，感到无法忍受了。所以会发生这种情况，从双方来说，都有点儿偶然，不过却是相互的。不管安德烈·谢苗诺维奇多么单纯而又轻信，可还是开始渐渐看出，彼得·彼特罗维奇在欺骗他，心里暗暗地瞧不起他，看出，“这不完全是他想象中的那个人”。他曾试图向他讲述傅立叶的体系和达尔文的学说，但是彼得·彼特罗维奇，特别是近来，不知为什么，听他讲述的时候，已经带着过于明显的讥讽神情，而最近，甚至骂起人来了。问题在于，他本能地开始看透了，列别贾特尼科夫不仅是个庸俗和有点儿傻气的人，而且也许还是个撒谎的家伙，就是在他自己那个小一团一体里，他也没有建立任何比较重要的关系，而只不过是多少听到过一些几经转述的东西；不仅如此：也许就连他该做的宣传工作，他也不甚了了，因为他太糊涂，他怎么能做什么揭发者呢！我们顺带说一声，在这一个半星期里，彼得·彼特罗维奇很乐于接受（特别是最初）安德烈·谢苗诺维奇的甚至是非常奇怪的赞扬，也就是，譬如说吧，如果安德烈·谢苗诺维奇说，他打算赞助不久即将在小市民街某处成立的新 “公社”①；或者，譬如说吧，认为如果杜涅奇卡在婚后头一个月就想找一个情一夫，他也不会干涉；或者，说他不会让自己未来的孩子们受洗礼，等等，等等，对这一类的赞扬，他总是不予否认，而是默不作声。对别人加在他身上的这样一些优点，按照自己的一习一惯，彼得·彼特罗维奇都不予否认，甚至容许人家这样赞扬他， ——不管是什么赞扬，他听着都感到有点儿飘飘然。
由于某些原因，彼得·彼特罗维奇今天早上把一些五厘债券②换成了现钞，现在正坐在桌边点一叠叠钞票和连号的公债券。几乎经常没有钱的安德烈·谢苗诺维奇在屋里走来走去，装出对这些钱不感兴趣、甚至鄙视的样子。彼得·彼特罗维奇无论如何也不相信，譬如说吧，安德烈·谢苗诺维奇真的会对这么多的钱不感兴趣；安德烈·谢苗诺维奇也苦恼地想，彼得·彼特罗维奇也许真的会认为，他的漠然态度是故意装出来的，而且，大概还很高兴有这样一个机会，用摆在桌子上的这一叠叠钞票来刺激和撩一拨自己这位年轻的朋友，提醒他，让他记住自己是个微不足道的人，仿佛他们之间存在真正的差别。
--------
①在车尔尼雪夫斯基的长篇小说《做什么？》的影响下，彼得堡的一些进步青年成立了一些公社，共同劳动，共同生活，建立了集体经济。其中最著名的是作家和民一主主义者斯列普措夫（一八三六—一八七八）在旗帜街（现在的“起义街”）上成立的旗帜公社。
小市民街（现在的“公民街”）上的公社离陀思妥耶夫斯基写（罪与罚）时所住的房子不远。
②利率为五厘的公债券。
这一次他发觉他异乎寻常地容易激动和心不在焉，尽管他，安德烈·谢苗诺维奇又在他面前谈起自己心一爱一的话题，说什么就要成立一个特殊的新“公社”，还对此大加发挥。彼得·彼特罗维奇正在打算盘，在算盘珠子的响声暂时停顿下来的间歇里，他不时提出简短的反驳，发表自己的看法，而且流露出十分明显、故意无礼嘲讽的讥笑神情。但是“富有人情味”的安德烈·谢苗诺维奇把彼得·彼特罗维奇的情绪归咎于他昨天与杜涅奇卡的决裂，并热切地想要尽快谈谈这个话题：关于这个进步的、宣传一性一的话题，他是有话可谈的，这可能会给他这位尊敬的朋友带来安慰，而且“无疑”会对他今后提高觉悟有所裨益。
“这个……寡一妇家在办什么酬客宴啊？”彼得·彼特罗维奇问，在安德烈·谢苗诺维奇正谈到最有意思的地方的时候，突然打断了他的话。
“好像您还不知道似的；昨天我不是跟您谈起过这个话题，还对所有这些仪式发表了自己的意见……对了，她不是也请了您吗，我听见的。昨天您还跟她说过话呢……”
“我怎么也没想到，这个一贫如洗的傻女人会把从另一个傻瓜……拉斯科利尼科夫那儿得来的钱，全都花在酬客宴上。刚才从那儿经过的时候，我甚至感到惊讶：那儿准备得多丰盛啊，还有酒呢！……还叫了几个人来——天知道是怎么回事！”彼得·彼特罗维奇接着说下去，详细地询问着，好像怀着什么目的，故意把话题转到这上面去。“怎么？您说，也邀请了我吗？”他突然抬起头来，补上一句。“什么时候邀请的？我记不得了。不过，我是不会去的。我去那里干什么？昨天我只不过是顺便告诉她，作为一个官吏的贫寒的遣孀，她有可能得到他一年的薪俸，作为一次一性一的补助。她是不是为了这才邀请我呢？嘿—嘿！”
“我也不想去，”列别贾特尼科夫说。
“那还用说！亲手打过嘛。您问心有愧啊，这是可以理解的，嘿——嘿——嘿！”
“谁打过？打过谁？”列别贾特尼科夫突然惊慌起来，甚至脸红了。
“就是您嘛，您打了卡捷琳娜·伊万诺芙娜，大约是在一个月前，是吗！要知道，我听说了，昨天……原来这就是您的信念！……妇女问题处理得也不好嘛。嘿——嘿——嘿！”
彼得·彼特罗维奇好像得到了安慰，又啪啪地打起算盘来。
“这都是一胡一说和诽谤！”列别贾特尼科夫羞得面红耳赤，他总是害怕别人提起这件事，“事情完全不是这样！这是另一回事……您听说的话不符合实际；这是造谣！当时我只不过是自卫。是她首先张牙舞爪地向我扑了过来……她把我的连鬓一胡一子全拔光了……我认为，人人都可以自卫。而且我决不允许任何人对我使用暴力……这是原则。因为这几乎就是专横霸道。我该怎么办呢：就这样在她面前站着吗？我只不过是推开了她。”
“嘿——嘿——嘿！”卢任继续恶意地讥笑他。
“您想惹我发火，是因为你自己让人给惹恼了，心里有气……而这是一胡一说八道，与妇女问题完全、完全无关！您理解得不对；我甚至认为，如果假定妇女在各方面，就连体力上也和男人一样（已经有人坚决这样主张了），那么可见，在这方面也应该是平等的。当然，后来我考虑，其实根本就不应该有这样的问题，因为打架是不应该的，在未来的社会里，打架这种事是不可思议的……在打架中寻求平等，当然是奇怪的。我并不是那么蠢……不过打架还是常有的事，……也就是说，以后不会有了，可是现在还有……呸！见鬼！跟您说话，会把人搞得糊里糊涂！我不去参加酬客宴，倒不是因为有过这么一件不愉快的事。我不去，只不过是按原则办事，不助长像酬客宴这样的陋一习一，就是这么回事！不过，也可以去看看，只不过是为了去嘲笑它……不过可惜，神甫不会来。不然我一定要去。”
“也就是说，坐在人家的酒席筵前，却蔑视它，同样也蔑视那些请您的人。是这样吗？”
“根本不是蔑视，而是抗议。我抱着有益的目的。我可以间接促进觉悟的提高，并作些宣传。人人都应该提高觉悟，进行宣传，也许，宣传得越激烈越好。我可以传播思想，播下种子……由这粒种子里就会长出事实来。我哪会侮辱他们呢？一开始他们是会见怪的，可是以后自己就会明白，我是给他们带来了好处。您瞧，我们的杰列比耶娃曾经受人指责（现在她在公社里），因为她从家里出走……委身于一个男人的时候，给父母写了一封信，说她不愿生活在成见之中，不按宗教仪式结婚，就和人同一居，似乎她这样对待父母，是太粗一暴了，认为她本应怜惜他们，写得委婉一些。照我看，这全都是一胡一说八道，根本不需要委婉些，恰恰相反，这儿需要的是抗议。瓦莲茨跟丈夫在一起过了七年，丢下了两个孩子，写了封信，和丈夫一刀两断了，信上说：‘我认识到，和您在一起我不会幸福。您欺骗了我，向我隐瞒，通过公社这种形式，还存在另一种社会制度，为了这件事，我永远不会原谅您。不久前我从一个慷慨的人那里知道了这一切，已经委身于他，要和他一同创办公社。我直截了当地告诉您，因为我认为，欺骗您是不正直的。您一爱一怎么过就怎么过吧。不要对我回去存什么希望，您已经太迟了。希望您幸福。’这一类的信就该像这样写才对！”
“这个杰列比耶娃，不就是您跟我说过，已经是第三次自一由结婚的那个人吗？”
“如果认真的说，总共只有两次！即使是第四次，即使是第十五次，那也算不了什么！如果说我有什么时候为我的父母已经去世而感到遗憾的话，那么当然就是现在了。我甚至幻想过好多次，如果他们还在世的话，我准会以自己的抗议让他们感到万分痛苦！我会故意让他们感到为难……这就是‘离开家庭独立生活的人’，呸！我一定要让他们瞧瞧！我要让他们大吃一惊！真的，可惜我什么人也没有！”
“为了让他们大吃一惊吗！嘿—嘿！好吧，您一爱一怎么着，就怎么着吧，悉听尊便，”彼得·彼特罗维奇打断了他的话，“不过请您告诉我：您认识死者的这个女儿，不是吗，就是那个那么瘦弱的姑一娘一！人们对她的议论全都是真的，是吗？”
“这有什么呢？照我看，也就是根据我个人的信念，这是女人的最正常的状态。为什么不是呢？也就是说distinZguons①。在现在这个社会里，这当然不完全正常，因为是被迫的，而在未来的社会里，却是完全正常的，因为那是自一由的。就是现在，她也有权这样做，因为她受过苦，而这就是她的基金，也可以说是资本，她有充分权利支配的资本。当然，在未来的社会里，基金就不需要了；但是她的作用将会在另一种意义上表现出来，将受到合乎罗辑而且合理的制约。至于说到索菲娅·谢苗诺芙娜本人，在目前，我把她的行动看作对社会制度坚决而又具体的抗议，并为此深深地尊敬她；
就连看着她也觉得高兴！”
--------
①法文，“我们要区别开来”之意。
“可人家告诉我，是您一逼一着她从这儿搬出去的！”
列别贾特尼科夫甚至勃然大怒。
“这又是谣言！”他高声叫嚷。“根本，根本不是这么回事！完全不是这样！这全都是卡捷琳娜·伊万诺芙娜当时冤枉我，因为她什么也不懂！我根本没有俟机接近索菲娅·谢苗诺芙娜，想要获得什么好处！我只不过是想提高她的觉悟，完全是无私的，竭力激发她的反抗一精一神……我需要的只是反抗，而且索菲娅·谢苗诺芙娜本人也已经不能再住在这幢房子里了！”
“您是不是叫她去参加公社呢？”
“您总是讥笑我，可是笑得很不恰当，请允许我向您指出这一点来。您什么也不懂！公社里没有这样的角色。所以要成立公社，也就是为了让社会上不再有这种角色。在公社里，这样的角色将完全改变他现在的一性一质，在这里，这是愚蠢的，在那里，这就是聪明的，在这里，在现在的环境里，这是不正常的，在那里就变得完全正常了。一切取决于人是处于什么样的情况下和在什么样的环境里。一切取决于环境，人本身却微不足道。我和索菲娅·谢苗诺芙娜现在也是和睦相处，这足以向您证明，她从来也没把我当作敌人，从来也没把我当作欺侮她的人。对了！现在我竭力劝她参加公社，不过这个公社完全，完全是建立在不同的基础上！您干吗发笑！我们想建立自己的公社，一种特殊的公社，不过基础比以前的更为广泛。我们从我们的信念更前进了一步。我们否定得更多了！如果杜勃罗留波夫从棺材里站出来，我就要和他争论一番。我一定会在争论中驳倒别林斯基！目前我在继续提高索菲娅·谢苗诺芙娜的觉悟，这是一个天一性一十分优美、十分美好的姑一娘一！”
“哈，于是您就利用这个十分优美的天一性一，是吗？嘿——
嘿！”
“不，不！啊，不！恰恰相反！”
“哼，可不是恰恰相反吗！嘿—嘿—嘿！瞧您说的！”
“请您相信！我有什么理由要在您面前隐瞒呢，请您说说看！恰恰相反，就连我自己也觉得这很奇怪：跟我在一起的时候，不知为什么她显得胆怯和格外纯洁，而且很不好意思！”
“于是您，当然啦，就提高她的觉悟……嘿——嘿！向她证明，这些羞耻心什么的全都是一胡一说八道？……”
“根本不是！根本不是！噢，您对觉悟这个词的理解是多么粗野，甚至是多么愚蠢啊——请您原谅！您什—么也不懂！噢，天哪，您还多么……不成熟啊！我们是在寻求妇女的自一由，可您心里只在转那个念头……完全避而不谈贞洁和女一性一的羞耻心问题，也就和避而不谈本身毫无用处、甚至是属于偏见的事物一样，但与此同时，我完全、完全同意，和我在一起的时候，她可以保持自己的贞一操一，因为在这个问题上——她有她的意志，她的权利。当然啦，如果她自己对我说：‘我想占有你’，我会认为那是我巨大的成功，因为我很喜欢这个姑一娘一；但现在，至少是现在，当然啦，从来没有任何人比我待她更有礼貌，更尊敬她，从来没有任何人比我更尊重她的人格……我等待着，并抱有希望——仅此而已！”
“您最好送给她点儿什么东西。我敢打赌，这一点您可没想到过。”
“您什—么也不懂，我已经对您说过了！当然啦，她的处境是这样，不过这儿有另一个问题！完全不同的另一个问题！您简直是蔑视她。您看到了一件误认为理应受到蔑视的事实，于是就拒绝用人道主义的观点来看待这个人了。您还不知道，这个人的天一性一是多么美！我只不过非常遗憾，不知为什么，最近她完全不再看我借给她的书，也不再来跟我借书了。可从前她常来借书。虽然她正以自己的全部毅力和决心进行反抗，——她已经证明过一次，自己确实有这样的毅力和决心，——可她似乎还是缺少自主一精一神，也可以说是独立一精一神，否定得还不够彻底，还没能完全摆脱某些偏见和……糊涂观念，这也是让人感到遗憾的。尽管如此，对某些问题她却理解得十分透彻。譬如说，对吻手的问题，她就理解得十分正确，也就是说，如果男人吻女人的手，那就是男人以不平等的态度来侮辱女一性一。我们那儿讨论过这个问题，我立刻就向她转述了我们的看法。关于法国工人联合会的事，她也很注意地听着。现在我正在给她讲在未来社会里可以自一由进入别人房子里的问题。”
“这又是怎么回事？”
“这是最近正在讨论的一个问题：公社的一个成员有没有进入另一成员房子里去的权利，去一个男人或一个女人那里，而且是在任何时候……嗯，问题已经解决了：有权利……”
“嗯，如果他或者她这时候正在大小一便呢，嘿——嘿！”
安德烈·谢苗诺维奇甚至生气了。
“您总是提这样的事，总是提这些该死的‘大小一便’！”他憎恨地高声叫喊，&ldq
相关推荐：
